How to survive the insults, scams and more insults at a Chinese hair salon

"Would you like to buy a membership card?"

"Yào bàn zhāng huìyuánkǎ ma?"

"要辦張會(huì)員卡嗎？"

If you hear this more than three times in quick succession, you are almost certainly in a Chinese hair salon.

The moment your hand touches the door, you'll be hit in the face by questions from a hairstylist. These creatures can take many shapes: garrulous, bossy, hateful, laconic - but always somewhat annoyed.

For no discernable reason, they usually go by English names, despite not speaking a word of the language.

So what are we dealing with here? Well, let's begin with the control freak, who take charge of everything, from how much needs trimmed to whether you should have a fringe.

Stylist: I don't think it'd look good on you. You're really pretty with long hair.

Wǒ juéde duǎnfà bú shìhé nǐ. Nǐ liú chángfà hǎokàn.

我覺(jué)得短發(fā)不適合你。你留長(zhǎng)發(fā)好看。

You: But I want to try short hair.

Dàn wǒ xiǎng chángshì yíxià duǎnfà.

但我想嘗試一下短發(fā)。

Stylist: You will regret it. It's not easy to get such long hair.

Nǐ huì hòuhuǐ de. Tóufa liú zhème cháng duō bù róngyi.

你會(huì)后悔的！頭發(fā)留這么長(zhǎng)多不容易。

You: I won't. I'm sure.

Wǒ kěndìng búhuì hòuhuǐ.

我肯定不會(huì)后悔。

Stylist: At least keep it shoulder-length, which is in fashion this year.

Zhìshǎo liú dào jiānbǎng nàme cháng ba, jīnnián hěn liúxíng.

至少留到肩膀那么長(zhǎng)吧，今年很流行。

These are the folks who will take your hair seriously, even if you don't. But don't argue that you're right. Try to think of a special reason for your haircut.

Stylist: Short hair isn't right for your face.

Duǎnfà bù shìhé nǐ de liǎnxíng.

短發(fā)不適合你的臉型。

You: It doesn't matter. I want it cut because I need a new start for my broken heart.

Méi guānxi. Wǒ jiǎn duǎnfà shì yīnwéi wǒ shī liàn le, xūyào yī gè xīn de kāishǐ.

沒(méi)關(guān)系。我剪短發(fā)是因?yàn)槲沂倭?，需要一個(gè)新的開(kāi)始。

Yes, it's a lie, but don't feel guilty - that person has a blade next to your head. Other excuses include moving to another city or a new job.

The control freak is easy enough to deal with. At least they are professional. Some stylists are just offensive.

Stylist: Which salon did it for you? Never go there again.

Zài nǎ jiā lǐfàdiàn tàng de a? Yǐhòu bié zài qù le.

在哪家理發(fā)店?duì)C的??？以后別再去了。

You: I don't think they're that bad. Maybe it's just my hair's problem.

Wǒ juéde tāmen hái kéyǐ. Kěnéng shì wǒ tóufa de wèntǐ.

我覺(jué)得他們還可以?？赡苁俏翌^發(fā)的問(wèn)題。

Stylist: Your hair needs better treatment. You can buy a membership card here and have some hair care every week.

Nǐ de tóufa xūyào gèng hǎo de báoyǎng. Nǐ kéyǐ zài wǒmen zhèlǐ bàn yī zhāng huìyuánkǎ, měizhōu guò lái zuò hùlǐ.

你的頭發(fā)需要更好的保養(yǎng)，你可以在我們這里辦一張會(huì)員卡，每周過(guò)來(lái)做護(hù)理。

You've been insulted, condemned and insulted again, and he still thinks you'll buy the membership card. The solution is easy. When they begin to criticize your previous stylist, you say:

I won't visit them again because they kept trying to sell me a membership card.

Wǒ búhuì zài qù tāmen diàn le, tāmen yìzhí tuīxiāo huìyuánkǎ.

我不會(huì)再去他們店了，他們一直推銷(xiāo)會(huì)員卡。

That might shut them up, but remember that most hair stylists are salespeople. You're a target the moment you step into the room.

Also, beware the up-sell, which is basically a swindle to get you to pay for a more expensive shampoo or a service you had no intention of purchasing, like a dye job. The best way is to tell them you're broke:

Staff member: I'd like to recommend our senior stylist Tony for you.

Wǒ xiàng nín tuījiàn wǒmen de gāojí fàxíngshī Tuōní.

我向您推薦我們的高級(jí)發(fā)型師托尼。

You: I don't need a senior stylist. The cheapest one is fine. I don't have much money right now.

Wǒ bú xūyào gāojí fàxíngshī, zuì piányì de jiù xíng, wǒ shēnshàng méi dài duōshǎo qián.

我不需要高級(jí)發(fā)型師，最便宜的就行，我身上沒(méi)帶多少錢(qián)。

Once they know you don't have enough cash, most of the scams and the hard sell will stop. Keep in mind, though, that some of that hospitality will disappear, too. Someone spending money is a customer; someone who isn't is a training doll for rookies.

Of course, not all stylists are like this. For the nice, honest, hardworking people in the industry, the locks of our hair are the keys to our hearts.

Courtesy of The World of Chinese, www.theworldofchinese.com

The World of Chinese

(China Daily European Weekly 09/23/2016 page23)